NO STRINGS ATTACHED REVIEW

I don’t know why I’m bothering to write anything about the latest movie starring the award winning Natalie Portman and the son of Bruce Willis, Ashton Kutcher. Normally If I write a short review it implies the movie is outstanding and you should drop everything and get to the nearest cinema post haste. Alas, this is not the case with No Strings Attached.

I’m sure many of you have heard of friends with benefits, or let me put it another way. Fuck buddies. That’s essentially the story here as Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman become fuck buddies and as these things go (even in real life on occasion), one party starts falling for the other, who is only interested in a good scuttling and nothing more. And then vice versa. Top this off with a slice of ultimate cheesy predictability and you will probably have fallen asleep, or tried to choke yourself on some popcorn.

A comedy about 2 people banging each others brains for mutual benefit should have plenty of sex and plenty of laughs. The movie is rated 15A here, so one would imagine you would have at least a sprinkling of sex and laughs. The sex scenes are far and few between and when they do happen they are over quicker than the real thing. I’m not being perverse (and I’m not that hard up to see 2 people go at it) but if you go to see an action movie you expect to see shit being blown up. If you go to see a movie about fuck buddies, you expect some fuckin! And particularly when it’s a comedy about sex you also expect some laughs. After all, sex in comedies has worked beautifully in the past.  Enough rambling. There are no laughs here, not once did I crack a smile. The sex is pointless, and there’s not a hope in hell that Queen Amidala will get out the baby feeders. On the positive there is a decent shot of Ashton Kutcher’s arse, if that’s your thing.  Movies about subjects like this need their cast to be really behind it and let it all hang out. Not some half hearted attempt.Kutcher and Portman don’t really do anything wrong here, besides no chemistry between them, the performance is bland and dry, but not obviously bad either. The only saving graces here are a so so performance from Ludacris and Kevin Kline.

No Strings Attached had a chance to redeem itself and turn the movie on it’s head in the closing chapters, but like the rest of its 100 odd minute running time, it can’t be bothered. Ivan Reitman hasn’t made a really funny movie in quite some time, and this isn’t the dawning of a new era for him either. Overall No Strings Attached is another giant extension to the houses of Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.  If you really want a sexy comedy, take the dog for a walk in your nearest car park after midnight.