* This review is of the 2D version of Conan The Barbarian.
Conan The Barbarian is the shot of adrenaline the blockbuster season of 2011 desperately needed. Throughout summer we've seen such disappointments like Green Lantern, Super-8 and Cowboys & Aliens. Now, Conan is literally nothing like those films. But this film certainly delivers what you'd expect (in spades, I might add) whereas those event pictures left many of us feeling short changed. If you've seen the trailers for Conan and you're expecting a testosterone-fueled spectacle of CGI barbarism, then buy your ticket now, because that's exactly what it is.
Conan The Barbarian is the shot of adrenaline the blockbuster season of 2011 desperately needed. Throughout summer we've seen such disappointments like Green Lantern, Super-8 and Cowboys & Aliens. Now, Conan is literally nothing like those films. But this film certainly delivers what you'd expect (in spades, I might add) whereas those event pictures left many of us feeling short changed. If you've seen the trailers for Conan and you're expecting a testosterone-fueled spectacle of CGI barbarism, then buy your ticket now, because that's exactly what it is.
Conan The Barbarian begins with a brief history of Hyboria (narrated by Morgan Freeman, of all people) before we're whisked into the story of the titular hero's birth and childhood. We learn very quickly that young Conan (played here by Leo Howard) is as vicious and blood-thirsty in his youth as he will be later in life. For instance, during a test for eager, would-be Cimmerian warriors, young Conan encounters a group of angry tribesmen. He quickly dispatches each one before delivering their severed heads to his proud father. A few days after Conan proves his manhood, an evil warlord marches over the horizon into young Conan's village, looking for an ancient artifact that will resurrect his dead sorceress wife.
We all know the story here (Conan's parents are murdered by the evil warlord, Conan survives and promises vengeance for his village) so I'll cut to the meat of the review. When we first set our eyes on present day Conan (Jason Momoa from TV's Game Of Thrones), he's in the middle of freeing a group of naked slave women. You see, this is the kind of film you're dealing with. Conan is a deadly warrior and complete misogynist. And he is the hero of the piece. His heart is forever darkened by the brutal murder of his father, so as he says himself, "I live, I love, I slay. And I am content". Nothing matters but his quest, so to him (and the audience), every other character is just there to be killed, sexed or discarded. And so there's little to the central character. And admittedly, there's not much else to the story either. But in this case it doesn't really detract from the film as a whole. Conan The Barbarian isn't about deep, insightful metaphors and rich characterization. It's about how many ways can our hero kill a rival or what creatures/monster will he encounter next. If that's not your bag, then this is almost certainly not the film for you.
Much doubt has been cast on Momoa as Conan, but after seeing the film I can say that he's a better fit than Arnold Schwarzenegger ever was. He's lean, cunning and violent. Just as portrayed in Robert E. Howard's books. And on a performance level, the actor is more than capable of charming the audience all the while keeping us in awe of his physical abilities. He's a great leading man, and I look forward to seeing him in other films. Stephen Lang is wonderfully over the top as the villain Khalar Zym, the evil warlord who slaughters Conan's village. He chews the scenery and along with Rose McGowan's Marique, makes a great antagonist you'll just love to hate. As for Rachel Nichols...well, she's really just there to show her breasts and be the fuel that keeps the story going. She's not bad, of course. She's just given nothing to work with.
Clocking in at 113 minutes, Conan The Barbarian feels like 85 minutes. It literally never pauses to take a breath. We see battles in caves, in water, on boats, in castles, etc. And you'll see Conan fight a variety of baddies, ranging from your typical evil henchmen to killer creatures made from sand. It's really nothing but a very fun, OTT adult-fantasy film, taking pieces from Howard's original books and mixing them with bits of John Milius' 1982 original. It can get brutal as hell at times as well as just plain old silly, but you'll have a lot of fun with it, as I did too.
I say this as a viewer that had a great time with the film. Go and check out Conan The Barbarian. It's a lot better than the people would have you believe.
