If it’s not comic books, it’s reboots. And now it’s fairytales. The age old story of a bunch of kids lost in the woods with a witch a Gingerbread house is dragged kicking, screaming and dismembering into 2013. Except this time, Hansel and Gretel are all grown up now, as bounty hunters (with a preference for witches) and instead of wandering around with breadcrumbs they’re armed to the teeth with a multitude of death dealing pieces of destruction.
The movie opens with the original fairy tale and instantly sets the tone, with rather convincing sets and characters. And then the story uses “artistic licence” and we fast forward “many years later” to be introduced to the new Hansel and Gretel, who have become bounty hunters dealing out all kinds of ass kickings to witches and what not.
The witch ass kickings are well done and spectacular at times with some great set pieces involving awesome weaponry and plenty of dismemberment to satisfy the gore hounds. And while the blood is by the millilitre as opposed to the litre, and it’s nothing you probably haven’t seen before, it’s still entertaining. As a matter of fact, Hansel and Gretel is entertaining until it’s leads open their mouths.
It’s like Renner and Arterton have crash landed from a distant future as the language they speak is far removed from what the locals spit out. F bombs explode and they even call a bunch of town folk hillbillies, which instantly removes you from what is an otherwise convincing time period. Even their outfits seem of another world. Now maybe they arrived in a DeLorean, unbeknownst to me and an entire audience, but it signifies poor writing and attention to detail. The problems not only lie within the dialogue. The chemistry between Renner and Arterton is pretty poor. They wouldn’t convince as a bitterly divorced couple, let alone a brother and sister who have been to hell and back.Renner in particular looks like he doesn’t want to be there and delivers his lines with about as much enthusiasm as one would have for doing tax returns.
And while the story moves along at a decent pace, it seems in the second half to be missing entire segments as it gets very clunky and feels incredibly rushed. In particular where Hansel find Gretel in a house. It’s almost a random scene that comes out of nowhere.
Negatives aside though, the witches are absolutely awesome and incredibly bad ass. And while their broomsticks leave a bit to be desired, their shear aggression makes up for the dodgy flying brushes. Overall though, Hansel and Gretel has too many faults to be forgiven, but it still is entertaining and just about works as a no brainer. Worth a watch if there’s absolutely nothing else you fancy seeing!
