Surely there must have been an alarm bell somewhere? The script possibly? Maybe in the editing room surely? You know when the director is sitting there with an editor watching their movie unfold. At some point did McG just decide “Fuck it, it’ll do” and walk out the door and spend the pay cheque, leaving a bewildered editor to finish off 3 Days To Kill, resulting in one of the worst films of the year. I’m not sure what happened, but something has gone wrong somewhere and not just a little bit wrong, we’re talking cluterfuck wrong.
Kevin Costner “stars” as a CIA agent who is trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter but is on borrowed time as he is dying with brain cancer. But as cheesy,bad, hole laden script ideas go (there is NO police force in Paris), he is offered an experimental drug that could save his life. The only catch is, he must do one last assignment.
With a strong opening showcasing McG’s penchant for action, things start off well enough but soon transcend into cliché after cliché ( OK we KNOW it’s Paris, the Eiffel fucking tower doesn’t have to be in every shot) with a story that meanders, stutters, stalls and drags its ass on the carpet like a worm infested dog.
It’s not necessarily the fault of the cast though. Costner, looks like he’s drinking the same anti-aging juice as Tom Cruise, is sufferable, and while he never breaks a sweat he still does command some kind of screen presence. However, you are going to have to get over his brutal attempt at being an American in Europe as his constant scarf wearing is nothing but a laughable distraction. The supporting cast include a relatively sultry Amber Heard, who’s minor role is just cheesy and pointless and it’s really only Haile Steinfeld and Connie Nielsen who deliver anything worthy of a performance.
Look, this isn’t all bad, the last 25 minutes (once you last that long) provide a little twist that may well rouse you from your slumber and Costner goes all sharp shooting bad ass for a bit. Then, it just results into pointless ville again, with a final shot that is about as cheesy as your Karaoke capabilities.
It’s hard to tell what McG did here, besides delivering a few action scenes which go from decent to boring. And while a car scene in the final chapter attempts to be exciting it just offers ample opportunities for the audience to point out faults. Seriously, what was the front of Costner’s little Peugeot made of? Hulk?
While the narrative moves along at a snails pace, it just seems to be lumped together in big chunks with little shape or meaning. I’d hazard a guess there is some heavy studio exec involvement here, meaning that they either turned something absolutely dog shit awful into something just awful, or turned a McG masterpiece into a big steaming pile of a bodily function you don’t want to step in.
Either way 3 Days To Kill is a contender for worst movie of the year. And no matter how much time you have to kill, this is never worth it!
