Where does one start with The Boy Next Door. Starring Jennifer Lopez and directed by the man that directed the first Fast & Furious, Rob Cohen. The movie follows an appallingly written script with equally brutal acting and everything else you can imagine.
When new boy in town, Noah, turns up he quickly turns his sordid and obsessive compulsions toward sweet, old(ish) school teacher, Claire Petersen (Jennifer Lopez).
From the opening minutes, it’s quite apparent that this movie is in alot of trouble. From the muscle bound, white t-shirt clad Noah, to musical interludes that are more like Diet Coke breaks, it’s a non-stop barrage of cliches offering about as much entertainment as you’d find inside a coffin, whilst being buried alive.
If it’s not the posh phone tones that everybody seems to talk in, it’s the horrific dialogue that is as contrived and cheesy as you’re likely to find. The cast deliver their lines with zero fucks given and while her acting days are obviously behind her, you would have expected a bit more from Jennifer Lopez. While she’s never going to get an Oscar for her performances, she’s generally likeable and manages to pull of solid work in most of her movies.
However, in The Boy Next Door, she never once exhibits anything resembling a performance. Even when the local maniac is attempting to rape her in the school toilets, she looks as bothered as her agent obviously was. To some degree, Noah, played by Ryan Guzman, does bring the crazy, although he’s never convincing or frightening. He just opens his eyes wide and shouts.
What the hell happened Rob Cohen? As a director he’s got some solid work under his belt. Movies like Dragonheart and The Fast and the Furious were highly entertaining movies. Did he forget how to direct? Or did he just apply the same zero fucks as everybody else seemingly did.
Thankfully though, The Boy Next Door is a short lived affair as the cliches just collide into each other for 91 minutes. And while an Irving Zisman inspired Uncle may wake you up for a few nano seconds, these 91 minutes are ones that you’ll never get back. Do yourself a favour and avoid this serious contender for worst movie of the year.
