Back in 2010 the original Grown Ups was one of the worst movies of the year. And as it made a few bucks, a sequel was always going to be on the cards. The biggest downfall of the original was not a lack of a good cast, but a lack of story. Safe to say, the sequel manages to out do the original ten fold. If you’ve ever wondered how to make something that was absolute shit even shittier, then Grown Ups 2 is the best example you’ll find in quite some time.
The cast are all back including Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James and Salma Hayek. Now, normally at this point of a review we try and outline some kind of plot synopsis, but I’m afraid when it comes to Grown Ups 2 that we’ll have to skip that. Not because I can’t be bothered or I’m lazy but simply put, there is no fuckin’ plot. Just scene after scene of empty, pointless drivel with stiff dialogue thats delivered by a bunch of talented individuals who are more interested in a paycheck and a new extension to their house, than their actual reputation.
While a a briefly amusing performance by Shaq (Yup, that Shaq) and a constant display of Salma Hayek’s baby feeders may well lift you out of your misery for a nano second, nothing can prepare you for how bad and pointless Grown Ups 2 is. You’ll also wonder is Steve Buscemi actually that broke?
All that said, if for whatever reason you find yourself in a cinema with this on the screen in front of you, there is a way to make it more enjoyable. It’s probably fair to say at this point, most people have some kind of smart phone on their person. What I suggest is you remove that from your pocket, and then follow that up by smashing the screen into your face. Around the forehead might be a good start. As soon as you get the blood flowing, remove the phone from its case (if you have one) and start a major assault with the corner of the phone, on the open wound you’ve just created. With enough blood loss, you may well pass out or other patrons will get you removed. From there you may get a ride in an ambulance. Or arrested. Either way, this will result in a far more enjoyable cinematic experience for Grown Ups 2.
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, and you absolutely positively have to see Salma Hayek’s impressive milk dispensers, then go watch From Dusk Till Dawn. Or maybe you’d like to see a small, skinny dude get inserted into a large fat mans anus? Then go to that special website you’ve got saved in the “Gardening” folder in your bookmarks. However, if you want to see what is the worst movie of the year (this makes After Earth look like a goddamn masterpiece) then by all means haul ass to your local cinema right now. Otherwise avoid this like you’d avoid the front end of a bus careering into your head.
